


Healing Isn't Easy

by BeStillMySlashyHeart



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Communication, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 13:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19442275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: Alex is angry. And he's hurt. And he feels betrayed. And he misses his friend. If only it was easy to move past the hurt and the anger and start fresh.





	Healing Isn't Easy

**Author's Note:**

> this was meant to be a tumblr ficlet but it got long so it's here

Alex’s heart sank when Kyle stood up, his pager buzzing in his hand. Kyle sent him a regretful look before turning to the rest of the group.

“Duty calls.” He held up the pager. “Can someone give me a ride back to town? I rode out here with Liz and Max.”

“Yeah sure,” Rosa answered him as she kicked her legs over the side of the truck and jumped down. “I promised Dad I’d help him out in the diner anyway.”

“Thanks,” Kyle smiled at her. She shrugged him off and stalked off to her car, a hand waving goodbye over her shoulder. Kyle met Alex’s gaze and held it for a beat, a question in his eyes. Alex rolled his eyes and nodded, effectively dismissing Kyle from friend duty for the day. 

Kyle looked over at the trio in the distance before turning back to the trio in front of him. “I’ll have my phone on me in case they need a doctor but please,  _ please _ only call if it’s a real emergency. I’m skating on thin ice at work as it is. Too many missed days to deal with alien crap.”

“Go to work, Kyle,” Maria told him. “We’ll take care of them if they do something stupid.”

“If?” Kyle arched an eyebrow.

Liz let loose a burst of laughter. “Just go. We’ll keep them alive, promise.”

“Okay,” Kyle paused, “but if-”

Alex reached out and shoved his hip gently. “Go be a doctor, Valenti. We’ve got the aliens. You take care of the humans in this stupid town.”

“Okay,” Kyle repeated, dragging out the word.

“Bye Kyle!” Maria and Liz called in unison.

“Kyle, let’s go!” Rosa yelled out her window, the car already started.

Alex laughed as Kyle hurried away.

The sound of blankets shifting and the cooler moving made Alex turn around. Liz was taking advantage of the sudden free space to make herself comfortable, moving the cooler out of her way and piling blankets between her back and the window as a cushion.

“Are you comfortable yet?” Maria asked, faux anger in her voice as Liz’s shifting forced Maria to move. 

Liz wiggled her butt a few times for good measure before nodding, a smile bright on her face.

“Oh good,” Maria added. “I’d hate it if you were uncomfortable.”

Liz opened her arms and grabbed Maria’s wrist. With a sharp tug, she pulled her half into her lap, the taller woman nearly knocking her over as they collided. They burst into helpless giggles and Alex couldn’t contain his own smile. It was nice to see them laughing, none of them did nearly enough of it these days.

A loud rumble stole their attention a moment later. Alex whipped his head around to stare at the other three members of their little party. They were decently far away, an effort to protect the humans from accidental power bursts, but close enough that they could see them clearly. Michael was yelling something, his arms gesturing wildly while Isobel yelled back. Max stood off to the side, his hands pressed to his head.

“What are the odds all three of them end today with no injuries?” Liz pondered out loud.

“Zero,” Alex replied instantly.

“They don’t  _ always _ get hurt,” Maria argued. “Unless you count a headache as an injury.”

“They’ve been doing this for over two months now and not once have all three of them left unscathed. Usually one or two have a headache, yeah, but Max has had to heal either Michael or Isobel almost every week. And even then, one of them usually leaves with a scrape or something,” Alex explained, his voice suddenly tight.

He heard Liz sigh behind him and he clenched his fingers tight around the liftgate under his legs. He was trying to be better, he really was. It’s not his fault that his relationship with Maria imploded the second he walked into the Wild Pony looking for Michael and found Maria in his lap with her tongue down his throat. And it’s not his fault that he’s having trouble forgiving and forgetting. He  _ was _ trying to repair their relationship. It just wasn’t going very well.

In the six weeks that the humans had tagged along with the aliens self-imposed training sessions out in the middle of absolutely nowhere, Liz had taken it upon herself to try and force Alex and Maria to rebuild their relationship. That’s not to say that she wasn’t trying her damnedest elsewhere, it’s just that in town it was a lot easier for one or both of them to make up an excuse to get away. Out here, they had the common goal of making sure the three aliens got home alive and so neither of them stayed away. And Liz took advantage of that.

“What are you wearing on Saturday?” Liz asked after a beat. “I know you both clean up nice so you better show up looking snazzy.” She teased them both.

Alex shrugged a shoulder without turning around. It was the 20th anniversary of the opening of the Crashdown and Liz and her dad were organizing a sort of Grand Re-Opening complete with a party. It wouldn’t be nearly as fancy as the reopening of the UFO Emporium but it was still an Event in their town. Alex was going, that wasn’t even really a decision, but he didn’t really want to dress up. 

“I got this really cute new dress last week,” Maria answered. “It’s the same shade of green as those little aliens on your menu.”

“Way to stick with the theme!” Liz laughed. “Alex? What about you?”

Alex shrugged again. “Don’t know yet. Didn’t think it required planning.”

Liz groaned. “You don’t have anything nice to wear?”

“I didn’t say that. I just said I haven’t planned out an outfit a week in advance. I’ll figure it out on Saturday.”

“But you’re definitely coming?”

Alex looked over his shoulder at her and smiled. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good,” Liz huffed. “It’ll be nice to get everyone together. You and Kyle missed the UFO Emporium opening,” Alex and Maria both stiffened but Liz pushed on, “so it will be nice for the whole group to be there.”

“Yeah,” Alex mumbled as he turned around. “Real nice.”

The sun was starting to set and the desert was swathed in bright streaks of red and pink and orange and that warm golden yellow. Even from this distance, Alex could see how the colors illuminated Michael’s form, almost making him glow. His hat was on the front seat behind Alex and so his curls were left to run wild, the ends catching the light. He was gorgeous and Alex drank his fill. 

More shifting behind him as Liz resituated herself. “Let me know when they’re done,” she told them and Alex turned to see her flat on her back, her sunglasses on her face, and earbuds going into her ears. He barely suppressed a groan. It was an old trick and a dirty one. Liz was done playing mediator between Maria and Alex (not that she’d done much to begin with) and was now leaving the two of them to their own devices. Alex caught a glimpse of Maria’s smile as he turned back around. 

His thoughts wandered as he watched the trio in the distance. The far away sounds of their frustration served as a good white noise and he turned his focus inward.

He’d forgiven Michael. It had taken weeks and a lot of talking, and a lot of yelling if he was being honest, but they’d sorted their shit out and were moving forward. They’d gone on dates and were spending time together, just the two of them, outside of a bed and it was good for them. So why hadn’t he forgiven Maria? Alex didn’t understand it. How he could forgive one of them but not the other. It was the same betrayal.

Only it wasn’t. Not really.

Michael had been dealing with a lot of shit. Between his and Alex’s relationship troubles, the reveal of Noah as a mass murdered and alien manipulator who had been toying with his sister for years, Max shooting at him, and Caulfield, it was no wonder that Michael needed something else. Something easy, something to calm the chaos of his life. It hurt like hell that what he’d needed had apparently been Alex’s best friend, but to a degree, he understood it. And because he understood it, he could forgive it.

Maria, on the other hand, well she was different. Maria had known that Alex was in love with Michael, that he had been for a decade. She’d known it, hell she’d been the one to say it out loud when Alex couldn’t. And after promising him that their one night stand meant nothing and would never be repeated, she’d embarked on a relationship with Michael. In the few conversations they’d attempted to have about it after she and Michael had broken up, Maria had told him that she just wanted to be selfish for once in her life. She was always trying to be there for other people and she just wanted to take something for herself for once. And Alex could understand that, he could, but it didn’t excuse the betrayal he’d felt. As much as he missed his friend, he couldn’t imagine opening up to her again. Not when the last time he did resulted in her sleeping with the love of his life after promising not to.

A cold bottle pressed against his arm startled him enough that he jumped. 

“Woah,” Maria said lightly as she grabbed his wrist to steady him. She let go after a second, her hand coming away like she’d been burned.

Maria cleared her throat and sat down on the edge of the liftgate next to Alex, a careful distance between them. She held out one of the two beers in her hand and Alex took it.

“Liz isn’t very subtle,” Maria remarked idly as she took a sip.

“Nope,” Alex popped the p. He took a long pull, the cold beer refreshing after a hot day.

Maria fiddled with the label on her bottle. “Alex, we can’t keep going like this.”

“I know,” Alex agreed quietly.

“We have the same friends and neither one of us is going anywhere so we have to-”

“I said, I know,” Alex repeated. He closed his eyes at the harshness of his tone. “Sorry.”

She took a sip. “What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that before. But we both know you’re not.”

Maria turned to him, her face unreadable. “I am sorry.”

Alex sighed and looked at her. “If you had the chance to do it all over again, would you do something different?”

Maria looked away.

“Then you’re not sorry. You don’t actually regret doing it, you just regret what happened because of it.” Alex kept his voice quiet. There was no need to yell. Not anymore.

Maria took a deep breath. “Alex, I needed him. Am I sorry that I hurt you? Absolutely and I would do anything to make that right. But am I sorry that I took a chance on something that might have been really good for me? No. And I don’t think it’s fair of you to ask me to be.”

“You knew-”

“I didn’t know shit.” Maria cut him off, her voice hard. Alex looked at her in surprise. “All I knew was that you had a thing with a guy in high school and that ten years later you showed up feeling hopeful. I could sense love coming from you and you admitted that it was because of Michael but that is all that you ever told me. And the only thing Michael ever said was that it was over, that it had been long over.” Alex swallowed hard. It wasn’t wrong but for some reason it hurt to hear her say that Michael had said they were long over.

“I should have talked to you first, yes. Absolutely. I am sorry that I didn’t. But you were gone for ten years and Michael was my friend. We weren’t close but he was still my friend. He was someone I could lean on when I needed it. He was there for me after I put my mom in the home and he was there for me after I got drugged and mind controlled and no one would tell me a damn thing. For the first time in a long time, I had someone to support me and who cared about me and who was attracted to me and I let myself feel the same. You can’t blame me for wanting that for myself, Alex.”

“You’re right,” Alex agreed after a pause. Maria visibly relaxed next to him. “You do deserve to have someone who supports you and who is there for you. And part of me is glad that you found someone like that and that you went after him. Maria, you always put everyone else first and yourself last. You take care of other people and you deserve to have someone take care of you.”

“Thank you.”

“But it doesn’t really change things for me,” Alex continued. “Texas was one thing because I know you didn’t know a thing about me and him. But then you did. And you stood there and you promised me that it meant nothing and that it would never happen again. You promised me, Maria. And you might not have known the extent of our history together but you knew enough to not start something with him.”

“Alex-”

“Would you date Max?” Michael cut her off. He felt Liz’s body freeze behind him, a sure sign that she wasn’t actually listening to music. “At any point, no matter how many years down the line, would you date Max? Or would you have enough respect and loyalty to Liz to not go there?”

Maria looked away from him.

“It’s the same damn thing. If you wouldn’t date Max why the fuck was it okay for you to date Michael?”

She took a long swallow from her beer.

“If we were happy together, if we had made it work and made it last, would you be happy for us?” Maria asked, facing him. There were tears glistening in her eyes but her voice didn’t waver. 

“One day, maybe,” Alex told her. “Or at least I’d like to think I’m a big enough person to do that. But I wouldn’t have been able to stick around and watch it.”

Maria froze, her mouth slightly open. This time it was Alex who looked away. He hadn’t meant to admit that. He hadn’t even told Michael that he’d been contemplating a job offer in D.C. because he couldn’t stand to see him and Maria playing happy couple around town.

“Alex,” Liz’s voice was soft but it startled him anyway. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and though part of him ached to brush her off he didn’t. 

“You never said a word,” Maria said quietly. “The whole time we were dating you never said a word.”

“Why would I?” Alex said quietly. “What would have been the point?”

“The point would be telling me that I was driving you out of town!” Maria shouted, a hand covering her mouth. “Would you have even said goodbye?”

“I never got that far in the planning.” Alex drained the last of his beer.

“You should have told me.”

“Told you what?” Alex turned to her. “That just the sight of you next to him was enough to break my heart let alone having to see you two holding hands on the street or kissing?” He let out a harsh laugh. “What did you think was going to happen, Maria? That I’d be a little upset and then just move on? I couldn’t move on after ten years. I stayed away from this whole town for a decade trying to move on and it didn’t work. Did you think you dating him would be the thing to do it?” Alex shook his head. “What would you have done if I came to you and told you that? If I’d told you that the cost of your relationship with Michael was me leaving Roswell and never coming back?”

“I would’ve ended it!” Maria yelled. “Alex I lost you once to the fucking military, I couldn’t stand it if I was the reason you disappeared forever.”

“Then why did you kiss him? Why did you sleep with him? Why did you date him?”

Maria stared at him, tears streaming down her cheeks and chest heaving with deep breaths. “Because I didn’t know that that would be the consequence. You never said a word to me, before or after and I. Didn’t. Know.” She swallowed. “You asked me if I would do it differently if I had to do it all over again and I said no. Well that was before you told me what the consequences would really be. As awful as this is to say I could handle hurting you a little if it was something that we could get past, if it was something that I could make up to you. But this? If I had known it would lead to this? No, I wouldn’t have done it.”

Alex nodded. He had to swallow a few times to clear the sudden lump in his throat and he looked away while he wiped at the tears on his own face. Liz leaned forward and pressed herself along his back in a weak hug while she stretched out a hand to Maria.

“For what it’s worth, and this may make it worse but, it wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.” Maria told him. “I love him, I do, but not like that. Not in the way that I should’ve if I was going to risk you. He’s my friend, and maybe one day he’ll be my friend again, but nothing more.”

Alex nodded, unable to do anything else. 

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Maria reached out and gripped his hand. Alex met her halfway and squeezed tight. “I want us to get past this, you just need to tell me how.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you again,” Alex told her softly. She tried to pull her hand back but Alex held firm. “But I want to. Maria, you were the one person I stayed in touch with over the ten years I was gone. Even Michael and I didn’t talk as much as you and I did and your friendship got me through some tough times and I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose you. It’s just going to take me a while to come to grips with this.”

“Okay,” Maria told him. She shook their joined hands a little. “Okay.”

Alex’s lips quirked in an imitation of a smile as he tugged her hand and pulled her into him. He wrapped his other arm around her back as she buried her face in his chest, her tears wetting the fabric. 

“Get in here, Elizabeth,” Maria called softly, her voice muffled by Alex’s shirt. Alex saw Liz grin a watery smile before wrapping her arms around the both of them. She pressed a kiss to each of their heads before resting her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“I love both of you so much,” Liz whispered. 

“We love you too,” Alex told her. “Even if you do meddle.”

“Out of love!” Liz protested as she raised her head. “I meddle out of love!”

Maria laughed as she pulled back from Alex. “We appreciate it.”

Liz smiled as she wiped at the tears on both of their faces. “There’s more beer in the cooler if-”

“Yes!” They both cut her off. She laughed and twisted around to grab the beers, handing them to Maria to open. The three drank quietly for a while, all captivated by the confusing spectacle happening around Max, Isobel, and Michael before them. The air seemed to shimmer around the three of them though none of the humans could even begin to theorize as to why.

The silence this time was decidedly more comfortable than it had been earlier, some of the tension gone from between them. It wasn’t perfect, and it wouldn’t be for a while yet, but it was better.

Maria took a long swig of her beer and pulled it from her lips with a wet pop. “Can I ask relationship advice? Or is that a no-go right now?”

“As long as it’s not about Michael,” Alex warned, his voice half teasing, half not. Liz coughed a laugh while Maria shook her head. “Then go ahead.”

“There’s this woman,” she started off.

Liz immediately started crowing while Alex grinned. Maria looked at both of them, confused. “You two already knew I’m bisexual.”

“Yes but you hadn’t admitted to having a thing for Isobel yet,” Liz told her.

“Wha-? Who said-? What are-?” Maria sputtered. 

“You’ve got a bad poker face DeLuca,” Alex told her. 

Liz put a hand on her arm. “Are we wrong? Is it about a woman other than Isobel?”

Maria started to deny it before sighing and nodding. “Is it really that obvious?”

Liz and Alex shared a look before shrugging. “Evidently not to Isobel. She still thinks you hate her,” Alex told her.

Maria furrowed her brow and cocked her head to the side in question. 

“Dinner the other night,” Liz explained. “Isobel was complaining that you still hate her even though now you don’t have any reason to. She seemed really upset about it.”

“About me hating her?”

Alex and Liz hummed in agreement. “Seemed like she wanted you to like her.” Alex almost winked.

Maria took a sip and looked away briefly before eyeing them. “So should I say something? Or would it be weird because of Michael or-?

“I say go for it,” Alex encouraged. “If Michael has a problem with it I’ll tell him to look up hypocrite in the dictionary.”

Liz almost choked on her beer as she started to laugh. “He really wouldn’t have a leg to stand on would he?” She nudged Maria gently. “I say go for it. I’d say what’s the worst that could happen buuuut it’s Isobel.”

Alex shook his head. “She wouldn’t be rude about it. Honestly, the worst that could happen is that she turns you down. But I don’t think she will.”

A wicked grin spread across Liz’s face. “You should do your nails right before you ask her out.”

Alex burst out laughing and Maria looked between them. Liz laughed at the bewildered look on her face. “You never did that with Michael?”

“Did what?”

“The acetone!” Liz scooted so she was closer to the two of them. The three siblings were starting to make their way towards the truck.

“In the nail polish remover? What about it?” Maria was still confused.

“Acetone is like heroin to them,” Alex explained. “If you do your nails right before talking to Isobel, she should still be able to smell it and it works a bit like an aphrodisiac, honestly.”

“Really?” Maria asked. “How did I not know that?”

Alex shrugged, secretly pleased that Michael obviously hadn’t told her. “Give it a shot, see how it works on her.”

“Maybe I will,” Maria agreed.

“Maybe you will, what?” Max asked as they neared. The three humans turned in unison to see the three aliens trudging up to join them. Liz grabbed some water bottles out of the cooler and passed them over. 

Michael eyed the trio warily as he neared but he didn’t say anything about Alex and Maria’s sudden closeness or the levity in the air. Instead he nodded to Liz and Maria and stepped in between Alex’s legs. Alex met his eyes, a silent conversation passing between them wherein Alex assured Michael that he was ok. 

He leaned up to press a kiss to Michael’s lips. It was brief, Alex pulling away to wrinkle his nose at Michael. The man had been out there for several hours and it smelled like it.

Alex opened his mouth to say something but instead had to stifle a moan as Michael’s fingers found the end of his leg and pressed gently above the attachment. He hadn’t realized how sore his leg had gotten sitting there. Thinking about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten up and moved around. Michael’s fingers deftly massaged the bits of his leg that he could reach, his powers worming around the prosthetic to massage the rest. Alex groaned and let his head fall to Michael’s chest.

“Ow,” he said weakly.

Michael pressed a kiss into his hair. “Come on, let’s get you home and off that thing.” He stepped away and exchanged some words with his siblings.

Liz hopped down from the truck and Michael saw Maria already halfway to her car. “I’ll see you Saturday?”

Alex smiled and nodded. “See you Saturday.” Alex watched as she and Max got into their car and drove away, Isobel and Maria’s cars following close after. 

Only when they were gone did Michael step back between his legs. “Can you walk to the front seat?” He asked softly.

“I can,” Alex told him. “But I’d rather not.”

Michael rolled his eyes, his face fond. He gripped Alex’s thighs tight and lifted him off the liftgate. Alex pressed a kiss to his neck as Michael carried him around to the passenger seat. 

Alex tugged the door closed and got himself situated while Michael closed the back and made sure all the blankets and coolers were secure before sliding behind the wheel.

“You okay?” He asked before starting the car.

Alex nodded. “We talked. It’s not great but I think we’ll be better. I want us to be better.”

Michael nodded. “I’m glad you’re talking. I know you miss her.”

Alex hummed. “It won’t be easy but healing never is.”

Michael pressed a kiss to his temple and started the truck. “It’s worth it, though,” he replied as he started to drive away.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed softly. “It will be.”


End file.
